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“No man is an island” – so what makes us think that a family should operate any differently?

The family is the backbone of modern society. It’s a God-ordained unit that teaches us practical lessons about living life today, and also how we’ll live forever with the Lord.

Home is where we first learn about love and forgiveness, about faith and acceptance, about dealing with disappointment and rejoicing when others succeed. Families are “there for each other” no matter what – at least in theory.

In reality, however, families aren’t perfect. Siblings squabble, spouses bicker, parents and children don’t get along. Sometimes the pain inflicted by a family argument can be more devastating than any other blow a person will ever receive.

But fortunately for us as believers, God gives us an extended family . . . fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who can come alongside and “fill in the gaps” that were incomplete in our families of origin.

It’s been suggested that “best friends are God’s way of making up for our relations.”  And, in many ways, there’s a shred of truth to that sentiment. Who among us hasn’t had a special “aunt” or “uncle” in the neighborhood who was “just like family” to us. Or how about that best friend who was really “more like a brother” or sister.

Yes, the extended family is vital to a believer. But what if you don’t have one?

Well, if it seems as though you’re trying to go it alone in your spiritual journey, here are four tips you can use to create a “Blueprint for Building a Family Support System.”

1. Assess Your Present Family Situation “You won’t know where you are till you look back on where you’ve been.” The fact that you’re reading this now indicates that you probably sense your family really isn’t connected to any other families – at least not the way you’d like it to be. Well, start by asking yourself, “How did we get here?” Be honest with yourself. Are you a socially outgoing family? Do you pretty much keep to yourselves? Write down five positive attributes about your present family situation; then write down five negatives. Start from there to see what kind of tools you’ll need to build your support system.

2. Set Up a Meeting with Your Pastor The Church is your forever family. You’ll be singing God’s praises in glory with many of those same people you worship with each Sunday morning. So why not start by looking to them for support? If you’re like many families, you don’t have too many family friends at church. Why not get together with your pastor and ask how you can get involved in some area of the congregation’s ministry? Teach a Sunday School class, or volunteer to visit shut-ins . . . anything to get you “in the flow” and meeting new people.

3. Be “Intentional” in Your Desire to Meet New People There are no “Family Support Systems” available for purchase at your favorite Christian bookstore. (We don’t carry any in our resource center here, either!) Make it a point to be pro-active in getting to know people. And be sure to give relationships time to grow. I realize this might sound obvious, but sometimes a bad first impression might not mean the end of a deep and lasting friendship. Give it some time . . . and be deliberate in wanting to accomplish your goals.

4. Pray Yeah, I know – I mention this one a lot. But it never ceases to amaze me how many of us try to grow deeper in a key area of our spiritual lives without ever bothering to include God in the equation. Ask the Lord to bring people your way who will help you build a family support system. Seek His face in pursuing those relationships that will make you a stronger family. And get ready for God to use you as an instrument of support in the lives of other families as well!

I wish I could tell you this “support-building process” would be easy and effortless . . . but  I can’t. There are no guarantees as to how long it will take. But doing so is well worth the effort. And I can assure you that your family will be better off because you have a family support system in place.

(Click here to learn more about the resources we have available to help your family become A Happy, Healthy Family.)