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Perhaps one of the most effective consequence and discipline tools is what many call the family contract. Basically creating a family rules agreement involves discussing and putting on paper the expectations and agreements about certain behaviors or issues in the family. Also keep in mind that these rules will change over time as your kids grow in age, maturity and responsibility. Cathy and I have used a family rule agreement with our own kids over the years and we have kept a copy on the refrigerator as a reminder. Here is what our “Burns’ Rules” form looks like:

Rule #1
The Rule as I Understand It:
The Reason for the Rule:                                  
Negative Consequences: 
Positive Consequences:  

Rule #2
The Rule as I Understand It:
The Reason for the Rule:                                 
Negative Consequences:
Positive Consequences:                         

Family contracts are another step in providing structured discipline for your kids. Family contracts help kids discipline themselves. You will find that the clearer you are with the issues and consequences, the easier it is to manage a family contract. Don’t go overboard and make their entire lives a family contract, or you will lose the powerful results of the contract. I’m including two sample contracts so you can see what I’m talking about:

Simple Family Contract
Issue: Sloppy habits at the dinner table
Expectation: Good table manners
Positive Consequences:
  • A general feeling of happiness and contentment
  • After a week of good table manners, a special treat or dessert
  • After a month, an art project or special weekend outing to celebrate
Negative Consequences:
  • No TV for the evening
  • Go to bed a half-hour early
  • No phone privilege for the weekend

More Severe Family Contract
Issue: A failing grade (you have already tried other methods to bring up the grade)
Expectations: Raising the grade to a C with zero tolerance for not turning in homework
Action steps:
  • Teachers sign weekly progress report
  • Teachers sign daily homework assignments
  • You will have daily homework check-in with Mom after school
  • You will have weekly check-in time with Dad about school, grades and attitude
  • You may choose to be in the school play if you maintain homework assignments
Positive Consequences:
  • Teachers will not have to sign the daily homework sheets
  • After a C grade, we will not need to have a weekly progress report
  • If the grade is an A or B, we will celebrate with a special event
Negative Consequences:
  • We will have a meeting with the school counselors and teachers.
  • We suspend phone or weekend privileges
  • If nothing else works, we will consider homeschooling or changing schools

 (Adapted  from the book, The 10 Building Blocks for a Happy Family by Jim Burns, Ph.D. Click here to order a copy.)

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