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How to Handle Movies with Your Family
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Kids are constantly being bombarded by messages from all types of media. To no one’s surprise, movies are one of the primary voices that our children hear. Frankly, most of the messages our kids hear from movies are negative. It often seems like parents would do well to have their kids avoid all movies. But, for most families, that position seems rather unrealistic. Further, what do parents do when movies with very positive messages, like The Polar Express, come along?
Let me share a story with you. My kids were very young in age and Lego blocks were their favorite playthings. One day I challenged them to take their blocks and build a small farm town. Now understand, they had all the necessary tools to construct one, fine farming community. They had thousands of blocks, small animals, my son’s Tonka trucks and enough time to be able to put together a major metropolitan area. But they were young! They had no vision of how all the pieces fit together to build what I was talking about. I had not given them a picture of how a family room full of small blocks and toys were going to come together to accomplish the challenge. To my wonderful children, the Legos, animals and other toys were all disconnected and unrelated until they got the “big picture."
What’s the point of my story? Moms and dads frequently approach parenting as a follower of Jesus in the same way. There is the family’s church life, sports commitments, weekly household duties, recreational times…all the “pieces” of normal family life but none of it “fits” together from a Christian perspective. Scholars call this phenomenon “compartmentalization”. Unfortunately, disconnected pieces of a family’s life only leads to a disconnected sense of what it means to be a Christian in the hearts and minds of children. Every aspect of life is under the Lordship of Jesus. As Moses writes in the passage above, “Love the Lord will ALL your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Now, I don’t know about you…but the word, “all” in my book means “all”, not part, not just a few pieces of family life, but the whole banana.
What does that have to do with movies and especially The Polar Express with its positive messages? Let me put it this way, every moment of your child’s experience in life is an opportunity for a loving and smart parent to teach and guide children in values that matter most to God. Here are a few truths about the media that are important for parents to know:
1) All technology and media is, by its very nature, an isolator of people. That means that you as a parent have to work a little bit to get your child out of his/her own experience of the movie and into a discussion of what it means to their life. Remember, for two hours that movie is sinking itself into your child’s focused heart and mind. You need to do a little bit of excavation in order to find out how it has affected them.
2) All art forms (media and movies included) are not value neutral. This is a good one for parents to think about because so many of us just put our kids in a movie or in front of the television without the thought that the show or flick is trying to communicate something to your child. Put it this way…imagine an adult you don’t know sitting down in a room, one-on-one, with your child and you giving them free reign to say whatever they want to say. That’s exactly what is happening when your child sees a show or movie. They are being told something about life and meaning in the world. There is some value or world view that the musician, producer or director is trying hard to communicate. They are telling a story with meaning…not too unlike what Jesus did when He used parables to teach about the Kingdom of God. You as a parent need to learn how to discern what the media is saying so that you can engage your child in sifting through the artist’s perceptions of the world, truth, God and life.
3) Media meets kid’s needs for acceptance, companionship and identification. That’s right! Kids have a “relationship” with media. Let me just lay it out for you…is that show or movie your child is watching a “friend” that you want for your child? Think about that!
4) You have a few choices as a parent on how to handle movies and other media. You can put your head in sand and hope it all is not going to hurt or harm your child in anyway. You can restrict your child from seeing and hearing anything because you are fearful of what they will pick up through the media. I believe both strategies are ineffective over the long haul. The best method a loving, Christ-like parent can utilize in raising children to have the tools necessary to grow in this media-saturated world is to take the time to teach them how to evaluate and discern the media from a God-honoring foundation.
So, what can you do? Here are a few ideas:
1) Clarify your own values. Know what you believe, know what the Bible teaches and know what sort of values are important for us to teach to our children. Look over sections in the bible like Matthew chapters 5 through 7 or Galatians 5:23ff. Think about values like servanthood, honesty, humility, gentleness, courage, kindness and the many other things that the Bible says God wants to see as part of the “fruit” of our lives. You might want to make a list and put them on your refrigerator or put together a “family values statement” of the values that are non-negotiables in your family.
2) Let your values and biblical truth act as a lens through which you evaluate the media. While you are watching a movie, look for values that either affirm or conflict with biblical values. Talk about that with your kids afterwards. Sit with a pencil and paper and write down some notes of what you are seeing and experiencing so that you can talk about it with your children. For example, The Polar Express is loaded with wonderful values…caring for others, kindness, truth-telling, sharing, working together, and adventure. Take advantage of pointing that out to your children and using the movie as a “teaching moment” or object lesson for underscoring important values in their lives.
3) When you see something that conflicts with what you believe, say so! Stand up for what you believe. Remember, either you will be the one influencing your kids or the media will be the influencer. So ask yourself, whom do you want to influence your kids? Put everything under the Lordship of Jesus. Don’t live a compartmentalized family life. Use every opportunity to share what God so desires your children to know about His truth and His ways.
Jim Burns is the president of HomeWord and the host of HomeWord’s 30-minute and 1-minute daily radio programs heard throughout the United States.
Robin Dugall is the Executive Director of the Youth Leadership Institute at Azusa Pacific University in Azusa, CA.
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