A few days ago, I knocked on my 16 year old son's bedroom door to retrieve the laptop computer that he had borrowed. I heard the shower on, and assumed that he was in the shower and did not hear me knock. When I entered his room, I heard what sounded like a scene from a porn movie from his bathroom. My son was in there masturbating to porn on the computer! I slipped out, and waited for him to get in the shower, then retrieved the computer. He did not know that I had been there. He had done private browsing, so I was unable to bring up the website that he had just visited. I am so worried! My husband and I don't know what to do. I have not said anything to him. Any suggestions!
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Thanks for contacting us. Most teenage boys have masturbation experiences, so this is not unusual. I would urge you to make sure, if you haven't yet done so, to engage in ongoing discussions about sexuality with your son. We have a good number of free articles and tip sheets available on our website on sexuality including one entitled, "Talking to Your Kids About Masturbation." You might find these helpful.
I'm most concerned about your son's use of pornography. Pornography is very tempting for teenage guys and unfortunately, all too easily accessible. It is insidious, being highly addictive and destructive, so the earlier you confront your son about his use of pornography the better. You'll want to engage in a loving, yet frank discussion with him about using pornography. If he has a "porn problem" you should help him find the help he needs. One great Christian ministry resource is XXXChurch (www.xxxchurch.com). They have programs and accountability software that helps people who have an issue with pornography to heal and move beyond it. Another possibility will be professional Christian counseling. I don't know if this is necessary for your son, but you'll need to get a sense of your son's interaction with pornography and then make decisions from there.
Two other things. First, as I read your question, I kind of cringed a bit, when you mentioned your son using a laptop in his room. For the exact reason you are dealing with, at HomeWord, we strongly encourage parents to not allow their teens to have Internet access in private areas of the home such as bedrooms. Our position on this is one of helping parents help their kids avoid all too easy temptations. And, it provides a measure of discipline and accountability as well. You might consider adding this policy to any other expectations that you have of your son. (We also have a great book available on our website, a new book by Roger Marsh (our radio producer) and Steven Arterburn, entitled "Internet Protect Your Kids."
Secondly, you might have questions about whether or not you should tell your son about what your saw. If you do, I simply encourage parents who have encountered situations as you have to take the view that "honesty is the best policy." You might have to deal with the issue of violating his privacy. Violating a teen's privacy without a great reason isn't a good idea, and often leads to the teen losing trust in their parent(s) - at least temporarily. In this case, since you have a serious issue to address, I would suggest that you "bite the bullet" on the privacy issue and move to addressing the pornography issues.
Blessings to you,
The HomeWord Team |
