Wait three weeks and maybe the styles will change! Actually your issue is one of the most often asked questions I receive at Parenting Seminars. Let's face it, young adolescents have an incredible need for their physical appearance to measure up to the cultural norm. Unfortunately, your daughter is living in a culture that is caught up in beauty and ability. For most young people, not accepting their physical appearance devastates their self–image and can damage their relationship with God. Here are a few quick suggestions:
1.Choose your battles wisely. You can't fight every style. When it comes to clothes, hair, make up, and the rest, compromise as often as possible but don't give in on your foundational issues. If it's a major conflict then get a second opinion from someone you both love and trust.
2.Set clear expectations. Since you say you're fighting everyday somebody isn't getting clear expectations. Write out the expectations so you don't have to argue about them everyday. Include your teenager in the decision making process. I would suggest that you and your daughter go through her wardrobe and negotiate which clothes are acceptable for which activity. Don't forget that kids support what they help create.
3. Listen Carefully. What's your teenager really saying about her appearance? Who and what is influencing her dress? What kind of statement is she making?
4.Emphasize inner beauty. God does not place prime importance on physical appearance. Our society does. I like this discussion God had with Samuel about a fellow named Eliab. "Do not consider appearance or height...The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7.
I overheard Cathy tell our daughter Christy the other day, "Christy, you are a true friend to Julia, your compassion and care is turning you into a beautiful young woman from the inside out." |
