Question:

My daughter went on a short-term missions trip this summer and came back a different person. After seeing people who live in abject poverty, she seems to be very judgmental about our middle class lifestyle, our somewhat wealthy church and even the "shallow" Christian kids in her school. I'm glad she feels a strong need to minister to the poor, but she's become so righteous about it. How can we help her re-adjust her attitude without squelching her passion for the poor?

Answer:

I'm so glad you gave your daughter the opportunity to experience a life-changing mission trip. One of the best things we can do for our Christian teenagers is provide them with the experience of a cross cultural mission and service encounter. It is like what Bob Pierce the founder of World Vision prayed, "May my heart break with the things that break the heart of God." It sounds like your daughter had an awaking of her faith and life through her short term mission trip.

When teenagers and (even some adults) have a mountain top life-changing experience they often come back with incredible zeal and some rough edges as they discern what happened to them. Her experience sounds wonderful and her zeal is to be admired. Now she will want to work on the next level of her Christian commitment and that is to be less judgmental and more loving. When it comes to a judgmental attitude, the scripture I like to gently remind teenagers about is the parable Jesus gave us in the Sermon on the Mount. Throughout the gospels he is very strong on the need to care for the poor and oppressed but in this parable he is just as intense about a judgmental attitude. "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:1-5)

I would let her live with the tension of enjoying the things of your lifestyle and remembering the intense needs of the poor. Our own life experience has a way of humbling us and helping us gain perspective. I would also suggest that as a family you get acquainted with people or an organization who work with the poor. Ask them how they deal with the tension of ministering to the poor and oppressed and yet not living in abject poverty either. Kids often learn best when faced with tension and they learn best when they talk and dialog. Here is your chance to help her explore her faith and develop her strategy for ministry to the poor. Developing a heart for the poor, yet not being judgmental is a process. What a privilege for you as a parent to help her investigate and find her place in the world of ministry. Walk with her through this process and it will be an experience that helps your family draw closer together and closer to God.