Question:

One of my friends has suddenly decided she hates me. I don't know what I did to her, but she's started turning my other friends against me. I'm willing to let bygones be bygones, but she doesn't seem to want that. Actually, I don't really care if she and I are friends again, but I don't want her to hate me. And I also don't want to lose my other friends. I can't just ignore them because some of the girls are in my youth group and in band with me. What should I do?

Answer:

This sounds like a very painful situation. It's never easy when a friend turns against you, especially when you don't know why. And when a conflict pulls in a whole group of friends, it makes the situation worse.

You could try talking to this girl privately. Write her a note, and ask her to meet you after school or to join you for lunch. If she agrees, tell her about your feelings. Try to use "I" statements, which focus on your feelings, rather than her actions. You might say, "I feel like you're upset with me, and I'm not sure why. I'd like to clear the air between us." Then listen carefully to her response. If you need to apologize for hurting her in some way, do so. If not, tell her you'd like to put all of this in the past and start over as friends. You might find that the whole mess is just a matter of miscommunication and false assumptions.

If she refuses to talk to you or is resistant to patching things up, you may just have to move on. Frankly, you can't control how this girl feels or what she says about you. If you've tried to make things right between you, and she still chooses to hate you, then the problem rests with her, not with you.

As hard as it may be, try to be gracious and forgiving. Don't talk about this girl or try to turn others against her. Your friends will notice that you're handling the conflict well and your friend isn't. If they still side with her, they probably weren't the right friends for you anyway.