Question:

How many extra-curricular activities are too many? Two of our teenagers want to be on every sports team, club and all church youth group activities. Our youngest wants little or no involvement in anything besides school. In fact, if he didn't have to go to school he would probably rather sit in his room and listen to his music. What should we do?

Answer:

First, let's take a look at extracurricular activities. They are important. Extracurricular activities often form your child's relationship patterns. It's a proven fact that active teens with positive friendships are much less apt to fall into "at risk" behaviors like drugs, gangs, and sexual promiscuity. However, busy for busy's sake is not always better. I would monitor their load of extra-curricular activities by the health of their primary relationships.

How's their relationship with God, family and friends? If their primary relationships seem to be thriving and their grades are okay then the extra-curricular activities are probably great. If your home is often filled with tension, worry, stress, and their grades suffer it's time to remove extra-curricular activities one at a time.

You're "not so social" son may be just one who doesn't thrive on lots of activity like your other two children. Again, if his primary relationships are okay then I wouldn't worry too much about it. He may just be reacting against two overly busy siblings. However, if his primary relationships are in dishevel then I would suggest implementing a plan to help him find his place. If his personality is quite different than his other siblings you may have to look into very different extra-curricular activities. What are his interests?

If you believe he is in a major state of withdrawal and possibly depression then obviously you will want to help him find his stride possibly through some good family or individual counseling. I wouldn't necessarily over react but help seek solutions. He may just be more of an introvert who gets energized by being alone. However just given the information you have given me I would suggest you implement a plan to help him get out of his room and into a few activities that will be meaningful to him. And remember, he will probably never be as social as your other two kids.