Question:

We are not much of a "touchy/feely" family. We all love each other and we do find ways to express our love. But my daughter mentioned recently that there is a lack of hugs in our family. Is this okay?

Answer:

I vote for hugs! The more, the better. When the Bible describes how Jesus was with children we so often read "and he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them." Touch is a form of blessing. Although there are degrees and styles of touch that work better for different families, all of us need a meaningful touch on a regular basis. In fact, I read recently that UCLA researchers have completed a study that says the average person needs 8 to 10 meaningful touches a day to feel loved and appreciated.

Of course there are different types of hugs and touch. Your daughter may need a big, strong, bear hug and your junior high son would possibly be embarrassed by a full on hug so a loving punch on the arm may have to do for a while. A warm touch is an important way of sharing care, concern and love. Christian Psychiatrist, Ross Campbell, goes so far as to say, "I have never met a sexually disoriented person who had a warm, loving and affectionate father."

I remember a time when I had a mother and father in my office with their 17 year old sexually promiscuous daughter. We were talking about the young woman's "extra curricular" activities with boys. We weren't getting anywhere so I asked the parents if they would step out for a few moments. The young woman said, "My Dad used to call me his little princess and he would hug me all the time, but now he doesn't hug me and I'm not his little princess anymore." When the parents came back into my office I asked the dad about his relationship with his daughter. He said, "We used to be close. Now it's a little more difficult. Since she started developing and becoming a woman I don't hold her and hug her like I used to do when she was younger." I looked straight into that father's eyes and said, "If you don't hug your daughter then there are loads of others who would love to hug your daughter with a completely different agenda than yours."

Please do not underestimate the power of touch in your children's lives. Even if you came from a family background without a great deal of affection it is still important to bring the blessing of touch into the family.