Question:

I don't mean to but I often find myself arguing and demeaning my son because I repeat myself 4 times before he listens. He accuses me of "liking" my 10 year old more, but my 10 year old does not argue with me (less tension), is it his age or am I just going to lose it?

Answer:

No, you're not going to lose it, and, yes, it's probably his age! The transition from parenting younger children to teenagers is one of the hardest a parent must make. Your core objectives change and, as a result, your style changes, too. While immediate obedience may have been a key focus of parenting your son when he was small, that focus now needs to be a front-and-center, keen focus on his heart. The way to know the heart is to foster dialogue, to try to understand motivations and to avoid "you must" as much as possible. Rather than arguing and demeaning, seek to encourage his opinions and to extend respect to his thought processes. That means less control, no emphasis on "winning" and lots of time silently praying for patience! Please note that you're still the parent, and you still retain "the final say" in decision making. But the process looks significantly less authoritarian, and a lot more collaborative. A couple of HomeWord.com that might be helpful to you would be: "20 Rules for Parents of Adolescents," "7 Cries of Today's Teens," and "7 Tips for Building Better Relationships with Your Kids."  Remember, your end goal in parenting is to rear a confident, biblically-grounded, godly man who is able to function as an independent adult - whom you can call "friend."