Let's face it, we all need and want personal attention. The kids in my youth groups not only wanted me to know their names, but to really be with them and understand where they were coming from. It takes lots of time, energy, and effort to spend quality one-on-one time with them, but I feel much of the effectiveness of youth ministry depends on youth workers spending time with each kid in the group.

One-on-one contacts can be divided into four categories:
(1) getting acquainted
(2) shepherding
(3) counseling
(4) meeting for study

GETTING ACQUAINTED
Your youth ministry team should attempt to meet with each young person (fast-food, coffee, etc.) just to get acquainted. The kids almost always appreciate the get-together, and seem to feel more a part of our youth group after that. Some kids may get less positive attention from their parents than they'll get from time with a caring youth leader. One-on-one times can be significant in giving teens positive adult role models.

SHEPHERDING
Whether you're a layperson or a pastor, whether your youth group has 5 kids or 105, you are a shepherd to those young people. You need to be as aware as you can of what is happening socially, emotionally, physically, and most of all spiritually in your teens' lives. In other words, your students need one-on-one concern and Christian nurture from you.

Shepherding doesn't necessarily involve spending time alone with each youth. During Bible studies and social activities, you can listen and respond to attitudes and needs expressed by individual teens. But you will need to spend time alone praying and thinking about each kid's spiritual life as you see it. Sometimes you can plan group activities to help kids with similar needs. But other times you'll have to single out a kid and say, "Let's get together to catch up on what's been happening." This will help you tune in more closely to where he is with the Lord, and assure the young person that someone really cares about him.

COUNSELING
Because adolescents can be sky-high emotionally one minute and down the next, sometimes they need time with a more stable adult. One-on-one counseling may not take a lot of your ministry time, but it's important that students know they can request counseling whenever the struggles they're going through seem too much to bear. Most youth workers have had little or no formal training in counseling. That's okay; a good counselor is mainly a good listener. Most problems don't need the ear of the professional counselor. Your kids need someone who is willing to listen, support, and encourage them. However, if you feel someone needs more help than you can give, don't hesitate to refer him to someone who has training.

MEETING FOR STUDY
Discipleship is an important aspect of youth ministry. Having one-on-one growth studies with students can be very fruitful.

During a study session, the staff member and student go through a section of the workbook together, share prayer requests, and pray together. It's not a Bible study where the leader does the teaching. Instead he or she explores certain topics or Scriptures together with the young person. This type of one-on-one ministry is one of the most effective tools I've ever seen to help young people have a closer walk with Jesus Christ. Quality learning takes place, and the kids appreciate the time you spend with them. Real friendships begin to grow as you spend time sharing with each other.

ONE-ON-ONE CAUTIONS
In our day and age, youth ministry team members must use a great deal of caution when planning for and meeting students one-on-one. Throwing caution to the wind is to invite trouble. Use too much caution and a very fruitful and significant component of youth ministry can be lost. Let me be blunt here: I believe because personal ministry to students is so valuable, if Satan can find a way to discredit or ruin your ministry, he'll try. So, seek to find the fine balance of being cautious while still providing opportunities to spend one-on-one times with students.

Some thoughts on caution:
Adults should never meet a student one-on-one in a private or secluded place. This means don't meet with a student alone in your home or in theirs. If you are a youth ministry professional, don't meet with a student one-on-one in a church office when no one else is around. Public places such as fast food restaurants or coffee shops are good places to meet with students one-on-one.

Be careful when it comes to transportation. I suggest that for one-on-one meetings, ideally you should meet the student at the place where you are going to hang out together, rather than driving the student alone to the location. Sure, this complicates your ministry, but it's a safer option for both you and the student. I know of youth workers who have been wrongly accused of inappropriate behavior while driving somewhere with a student in their vehicle. (I also know of youth workers who have been rightly accused of inappropriate behaviors by students in a vehicle.)

Be careful with meeting with students of the opposite sex. Some youth ministries have a strict policy that prohibits any adult from meeting with a student of the opposite sex one-on-one. This is reasonable and we can all understand why. If you do choose to meet with a student of the opposite sex, be sure it's in a highly visible and public place with other adults in the area. In our time, even meeting with students of the same sex requires caution. Perhaps we've all heard stories of troubled students or troubled youth workers who, well, get into trouble with same sex students. This is why meeting one-on-one with students should always be done in a public or highly visible location.

Last updated 11/3/09