Question:

My girlfriend and I have a great relationship. However, her best friend seems to always be "there". If we want to go to the movies, go eat, whatever, she always wants to come along. She's a nice girl and all, but come on. I can't honestly think of anything nice to say to her to get her to back off.

Answer:

Thanks for contacting us. It actually sounds to me like you may have an issue with your girlfriend. Do you really think this friend would always be around if your girlfriend didn't want her to be there?

You didn't mention anything about having talked this over with your girlfriend. Have you? Is it possible your girlfriend is okay with her friend being around? If you haven't talked to your girlfriend about how you feel about the friend, start there. If you have talked it over with your girlfriend and she agrees with you, then really - as it is her friend - she should be the one to address the issue with the friend.

It is not uncommon for this situation to develop between good friendss, when a boyfriend/girlfriend is introduced into the mix. Consider this from the friend's perspective. Suddenly, her good friend (your girlfriend) always wants to be around you. That can feel a lot like rejection. No one likes to be rejected. So, it is normal for the friend to want to maintain connection with your girlfriend.

If this situation isn't a concern to your girlfriend, then you really don't have a problem with the friend, but with your girlfriend. If your girlfriend agrees with how you feel about the friend, then it should be up to her to speak with the friend. The delicate balance that should be sought here is that your girlfriend be able to maintain her friendship with the friend - spending time with her as well - while at the same time, being free to spend time with you, developing the friendship between the two of you. You can either help this process by being sensitive to the friend's needs - and giving your girlfriend space to spend time with her - or you can hurt the process by being possessive yourself and trying to dominate your girlfriend's time.

How you react in this situation matters. I can truly understand your frustration, but it would be a good thing to ask in this situation, what do you think Jesus would want you to do?

Blessings to you.