Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear Dads Say:

10. "You're right. I am lost. Let's stop and ask for directions."

 9. "Here's my credit card. Go out and have a great time!"

 8. "Sure honey, you can stay out as long as you want on your date tonight."

 7. "Your mom and I are going away for the weekend. Why don't you throw a party for your friends while we're away?"

 6. "There's plenty of time when you're older to have a job. I'll be happy to take care of your expenses until you're out of graduate school."

 5. "Hey son, it's an unusually nice day. Why don't you skip school and have some fun instead?"

 4. I'm so glad that you've made friends with kids who are incredibly irresponsible. Maybe you can help them change for the better."

 3. "No son of mine is going to try out for the football team when you've got a perfectly good X-Box at home to keep you busy."

 2. "I know you've been busy with your friends, so let me clean up your room for you."

 1. "Are you sure you want to wear that when you go out, Pumpkin? It's awfully old-fashioned. Don't you have something more skimpy you can wear instead?"

Top 10 Things Dads Say:

10. "What were you thinking?"

 9. "I'm not lost. I know where I'm going."

 8. "Do you think I'm made of money?"

 7. "Don't make me stop this car."

 6. "I'll give you something to cry about."

 5. "Where are my ________________?" (fill in the blank)

 4. "If your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?"

 3. "When I was your age..."

 2. "Go ask your mother."

 1. "Because I said so."