Question:

I guess I just don't know what to do. My 16 year old daughter has been wanting to date a non-Christian boy from her school. Her father and I don't approve of this young man and have told her that she cannot date him. We still allow her to see him quite often outside of school, but only in a group setting with us or her church friends. Her attitude has continually worsened over the past few months and I think some of that has to do with a couple non-uplifting friends from church and school, and I am just at a loss as to what to do. We seem to not be able to have any decent conversations anymore and the attitude I get is "I can't wait until I am 18 and can move out of here". I guess my real question is "are we pushing her away from us by not allowing her to date this young man and limiting her time spent with these other friends that seem to tear her down? I just don't know how much longer I can take this from her. The other thing is that it seems to me that if she would just give up this guy she would be back to her normal self, which a year ago was to pursue being a missionary.

Answer:

Please know that you are not alone in your frustration. If you have the opportunity, on our website, click on the "Real Life Answers" link and then type in the keyword, "dating". As you look through these questions, you will see just how many other parents are asking similar questions to yours! It would also be helpful for you to read some of the answers - to get a wider perspective on these issues.

In regard to your own question, I feel your frustration. Parenting isn't easy! If I could make these situations and the frustrations go away with a fool-proof parenting formula, I would give it to you! Unfortunately, that formula doesn't exist!

Even though 16 year old young people are well along in the process of moving from dependence on you to independence, your daughter still needs boundaries! So, on the one hand, I would say, "hold on" as you are providing some important structure to your daughter's world. On the other hand, from my vantage point it is hard to determine whether or not you might be holding on a litle too tightly. I would suggest that you find someone in your world whom you trust - your pastor or youth pastor - or even perhaps a professional Christian counselor - to sit down with and share your story. It is likely that from a face to face discussion, a third-party can give you insight into your situation that is difficult for me to provide in an e-mail type setting.

Blessings to you.